I write not to convince you, rather I write because I believe in these words that spring forth from my soul. – Raheem Mills

As another year approaches its end, one can never help recalling the time that has passed as we gaze into a near and unknown future. A brand new year offers a blank canvas to most. Much like being born again, it carries with it a clean slate, a new beginning, or a fresh start to finally get it right this time. This year I’m gonna quit smoking, get in shape, make more money, you name it we often exclaim it, and boast about this being our breakout year.  Regardless, the end results are generally like the previous year and once again we have missed the mark. Have you ever stopped to examine why? Why is it that we’ve missed the mark yet again despite the fact that this year we dug deeper, worked more efficiently, and even armed ourselves with more expertise this go around?

Over the past couple of months, my wife and I have been wrestling with a major decision that would start us down a new path in the coming year. The question was whether or not I should attend Med school. It seems like a no brainer, but not for someone who has only wanted to entertain his whole life. Such a path would certainly demand I dig deeper, work more efficiently, and again arm myself with a ton of expertise, but that’s OK, I’m use to that. I have unbelievable drive and a belief that I could conquer anything including becoming a doctor, however something didn’t feel quite right within me. When I spoke of my plans to others it didn’t roll of the tongue like I expected it should, rather it fell and always landed a bit awkward especially to those that really know me I’m sure.

Like any man of faith would do, I took it to God in prayer and sought the counsel of others. The advice received allowed me to digest varying perspectives, but still I remained at a crossroads. My wife and I began to pray more feverishly and specifically as the new year began to close in on us and then it happened. I went unplugged for a day and set out across town to visit the biggest book store we have locally. I was in search of a book I could not find anywhere including in the digital jungles of Amazon. The fact that it was so elusive intrigued me even more, and I became all the more determined to get my hands on it. Nothing unusual at this point except I was going unplugged, and the bookstore I was traveling to was one that I don’t normally visit, but they offered a wider selection and a greater chance at victory. When I arrived I went straight to customer service full of optimism knowing if it was anywhere it had to be here. You can imagine my surprise when I was told they didn’t  have it.

Despite my disappointment, I decided I would make the most of my time and pick out a few books I could sink my mind into. I picked out your typical success minded business book, a book on marriage having felt a particular fondness for my wife the past few weeks, and a book on christian living. It was my plan to dive right into the business book and skim through the others, however my spirit was being drawn to the book on christian living. The force was powerful, magnetic, and insistent. Finally, I let go and allowed myself to be carried on the spirits wings and with every page I heard God whispering in my ear. I was instantly hooked and devoured most of it over the next few days. It spoke to the hearts of men through tales of self-discovery and scripture with beautiful detail and clarity. I was reminded of an old wound that had been lodged in my soul for as long as I can remember, a wound whose existence was given birth to by the absence of a father.

Like most men, I shrugged it off and never dwelled on it too much. However, the more I reflected the more I began to see patterns in my life. All my drive, my perfectionism, my dollar chasing, my womanizing, and all my bravado was perhaps all just a cheap search for the type of validation that only a father could bestow upon his son. I discovered a fear beneath the surface. It was a fear of failure, a fear of being found out that perhaps I wasn’t the man I thought I was, and a fear of ultimately being on my own. In fact, much of my temper was probably due to the fact I felt alone in a world that constantly demanded more of me and I wasn’t sure if I could come through. My wound had long been suppressed by a combination of talent, drive, and a seemingly endless search in all the wrong places. God had finally answered my prayer. Med school would just be another detour in my long list of detours. I would be gaining the whole world for sure, but forfeiting more and more of my soul.

The key to every man is found within his heart, which could only be filled and healed by God. Anything less than God and we are left with a void in our hearts and a reflection of our imitation selves.We have all been wounded if we are honest, which brings me back to the question I posed earlier and the key to every resolution for life. Why do we fail in our resolutions? Have you ever noticed 99.9% of all resolutions have to do with exterior fixes? We’ve all been broken so long that we don’t even notice how broken we are! Instead of digging deeper in the gym trying to lose weight maybe we need to visit the wound that causes us to want to eat more. When we attempt to only fix the exterior we neglect to fix the root cause and even though we may make great strides it returns as the same problem or a new one. Talking through your wounds with trusted loved ones and enlisting the help of the author of life is the only way to attack the root cause, to be set free, and ultimately live the authentic wonderful life you were made to live. Let us together revisit the scars of the past so we can move forward in this New Year.

]]> http://raheemmillsblog.wordpress.com/2011/12/27/the-key-to-every-man-and-resolution-for-life/feed/ 0 raheemmills I S http://raheemmillsblog.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/on-a-quest-for-greatness/ http://raheemmillsblog.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/on-a-quest-for-greatness/#comments Wed, 07 Dec 2011 15:41:11 +0000 Raheem Mills http://raheemmillsblog.wordpress.com/?p=54 ]]>

My Uncle once asked me did I want to be mediocre. I was young at the time and so the word was foreign, but he explained to me it meant average. “Absolutely not”, or something to that effect I replied. I was appalled he would even ask such a question because average was never in my sights. No dream was too big and dreaming big was all I knew how to do. At first I wanted to be a scientist, but the Toys “R” Us chem lab couldn’t keep me off the football field and dreaming of becoming the next Jerry Rice. I idolized him. I made crafts at school with his name on it. I collected football cards especially 49er memorabilia. I wanted to be what I felt he and the 49er team stood for at the time and that was champions.

Sorry Roger, but I’ll never forget that fumble that prevented the 49ers from being a three peat champion. However, I would never have the same chance Roger Craig had to play in the NFL. Before I even reached high school, my soul had merged with music and it was all I wanted to do. In fact, it was all I did! I turned down sports, social activities, student bodies, and the like all in a sincere effort to go deeper into my discipline. Years before I had ever read Talent is Overrated by Geoff Colvin, I was already putting my time in to be the best. Nonetheless, with every quest for greatness comes obstacles and challenges we must all triumph over in order to stand among the ranks of champions.

For some it might be a certain fear, for others it might be discipline, for me it was myself. While I was polluting the universal frequency with gray matter I neglected to well round myself, which is good for every young man to do. Everything came second to music! It had become my God. I knew only one speed and one language. Music monopolized my time, and I staked my entire future on a music career that would eventually make great strides, but never truly launch into orbit. I was lost and this time I had fumbled. So what did I do? I kept playing! I emerged from my metaphoric cave, shaved off my beard, and for the first time the caveman I had become was ready to open himself up to a broader view of the world.

With greatness still in my heart, I applied myself to education and achieved high marks scholastically. I took more risks, but with appropriate calculation. I read and to this day still read incessantly! What I have come to understand is this, greatness is well-rounded. Much more than talent, fame, or monetary gain greatness takes into consideration the entirety of a man or woman. It’s who they are in the moments that span a lifetime. It’s who they are when nobody is watching. It’s how they use every blessing given to them in order to achieve even greater good. It is the measure of every man and woman. Go forth and know that today, greatness is within your reach.

I love entrepreneurship. In my eyes it is similar to just about any art form, and that is the precise reason I love it so much. Like a painter approaching a blank canvas, I want to see what I can create or what I can build. Will it be a masterpiece? In other words, will it become a thriving viable business that consistently produces income on a regularly basis? However, much like the outcome of a painting it’s somewhat difficult to see the end product. Our only guide is our inner vision and in the beginning that is the only thing I use. Ideas have a short lifespan so if it doesn’t cost us anything to start, sometimes the best thing to do is just start. Our idea is dying while we waste time with long drawn out business plans, which may prove to be useless in the end because we have no idea how people are going to respond to our painting in the first place. Business plans are assumptions, however calculated they are still just assumptions. Shoot first and perfect your aim as you go along.  The odds are against us, but I am drawn to those odds because of the affection I feel toward the underdogs. Who doesn’t love a good Rocky story or a true zero to hero biography? I can’t get enough of them! They add fuel and passion to my own endeavors. BANG!

Lets just call it like it is! We’re acquaintances not friends. So what is a friend? By definition, a friend is one who is attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. Well, that just put a dent into my long list of friends. How about yours? Alright lets just be honest, we know there is no way we could be friends in the true sense of the word with the growing list of people we add everyday. In fact we are probably only friends with a handful if that. Hey, friends are a rarity these days. They may even be going extinct as culture continues to blur lines and boundaries with new emerging social technology.

So why do we add them? We add them because humans are social beings with an inherent need for relationships and it feels good to friended. Otherwise we would say, “I don’t really know them that much” and with one click we would deny the request. Perhaps we’re competing in a race for the most friends or simply keeping tabs on someone while they’re aim is to do likewise. Some of them we add may even secretly wish our downfall. They eagerly await the day our status update reads like a headline from the six o’clock news.

So what do we gain by adding these people? Is it fleeting dopamine when friended, a huge network to call upon for business, or how about a list of devout supporters? The one who created us loves us just like we are so we don’t need to friended to feel good. A Facebook page is better suited for building a network for business because the people who like it have a genuine interest in what you’re doing. As far as devout supporters go, you rarely find them among mere acquaintances.

What we really gain is, a platform to share our successes and failures with people who could care less, guilty feelings over forgetting whatchamallcallit’s birthday, more unwanted invites from Farmville, or hurt feelings when our “friends” don’t support our latest project, and we wonder why? If you ask me Facebook is better suited for connecting with friends and family. At least then, you could give the people who truly deserve your attention the time needed to see how their doing, a moment to champion their cause, a second to offer a word of encouragement, and you could do it all without it being lost in a timeline made up of primarily acquaintances.